We recently connected on Facebook. Put all of your cards onto the table. Your cheeks hurt. Youd forgotten about the bad times the reasons why you broke up. Still dealing with my ex on levels I never thought I would be, however I am finally dating and starting to feel better about myself." I must admit I was crushed to . We want another person to become a part of us, so we subconsciously think to ourselves, If I can have the good features of this person in my life, I will have such and such. About a year into the relationship, I slowly started to turn down his attempts to become physical because I no longer had any desire to be intimate with him. There will never be anyone else for me. I thought maybe her habit of calling me from half-way around the world she is back in Europe now had reopened feelings and required another closure. Holding hands says so much about you as a couple. Write out your feelings and mail them to her. Reader Normal writes, I've been very happily married for almost 20 years and have 3 kids. Sometimes, I feel like I am going to die. Another really interesting thing can happen to propagate this longing within an avoidant years after the breakup and thats the origin of the phantom ex. i found my ex boyfriend from 20 years ago on facebook he's married now i sent him a message on facebook telling him it was good to see him and he and his family were looking good but he did respond i just want to be his friend what can i do? I want deeply to love the man Im with as much as I loved my ex, but this relationship is so much more stable that I dont think Ill ever really feel the whirlwind romance of bittersweet feelings again. If you still want to get back together with your ex, we still need to explore tools for bouncing back from the break up, but then we need to explore how to win this person back and create a relationship that is stronger than ever before. After a month of just talking, my ex-husband and I met again at the end of March 2015. About a year in a half ago I started seeing him everywhere. But a fixation with a past partner affects budding new relationships, blocking them from getting close to someone else. 28221 O still has jet black hair and Slavic smart-girl style and mannerisms. Somewhere during that four years, hed married someone else. You thought your ex would never become ambitious and change, but he proved you otherwise and made you nostalgic. I asked him if he was seeing someone and he said no. A woman named Natalie called in and presented the following situation to me. That doesn't mean they are creating a fantasy in their head, because they are aware that the person is gone forever, and they knew the person enough to know that they loved them when they were around. The love you once shared for your ex just doesn't fade away overnight, and that's something you have to be patient with yourself about. Signing oftreaties onaccession ofDonetsk andLugansk people's republics andZaporozhye andKherson regions toRussia, 'The man I fell in love with and lived with for five years was an undercover police officer with a family', 20+ Signs Youre Falling in Love (According to Experts), Backing Tracks for Singers | Musical & Orchestral Karaoke Tracks Online, GREY GOOS VODKA: Top 7 Modelle unter der Lupe, 10 reasons you're so angry with yourself (+ how to stop), , 'Sociopath' surgeon 'intentionally botched countless procedures', What Can I Give My Dog for Pain? I know what I am doing is wrong, I know I have a wife but now the kids are getting older, she is getting ready for empty nest syndrome and refuses to admit that soon they will both be leaving, coupled with my lack of income and her career the past few years have been cold, but my ex has always been my kryptonite and I appear to be hers. Romantic feelings only come about from explicit nostalgia or reminiscing and the once that has ended. In fact, it's perfectly normal because a lot of people find themselves in this predicament. Heres my story: it will be 20 years this summer since I met the man of my dreams (in the literal sense). You really had no choice unless you broke up due to disapproving parents and families or something completely out of your control. Love also requires sufficient logic and willpower. Thats why you had to go separate ways and find someone who you can compromise with. Even now when she contacts me often after a few glasses of wine its is to cry about how she doesnt get enough time with her son and our profession turned out to be the cycnical politically dominated minefield as my wife though not me at the time correctly saw it. 42 Quora User Regional Director (2010-present) 2 y Absolutely! Whether you dated for 6 months or 6 years, the intimacy that comes with building a relationship and sharing your life with someone creates a strong bond, one that isn't automatically broken just because the relationship is. My advice is to bond with other people and youll eventually find someone much better. If you feel like some improvement could be made and your physical health, start going for runs or hitting the gym at least twice a week. Anything to change your mindset and consequently, feelings. Love is a complex emotion that takes time to develop, but it also takes a lot of time for it to disappear. So, you might need to get used to it as long as it's nothing suspicious. However, a persons ability to move on completely from their ex after years apart is often indicative of where they are on the avoidant self fulfilling cycle. But, the heart has reasons that reason cannot know. We began fighting a lot, and when I found out he was cheating, I broke up with him. But as you know, others cant replace your lackings. I said yes. What struck me the most was the look of love in his eyes when he looked at me in those pics. Still both raising children no problem taking the call in front of you fclid=dae37 As a result, whenever you seek those feelings of joy today, nostalgia hits you in the form of a craving. Years after their divorce, Frank Sinatra and Ava Gardner remained deeply in love. And if that person rejects us on top of that, we get hurt and become dependent on him or her for recognition. The point were trying to make is that nostalgia makes you think that what you had back then is better than what you have now. I believed her just based on his recent behavior, Shortly after, we broke up after a fight about money. 7. First of all, you will surprise your ex (especially if its been a while since theyve heard from you). On top of that I just pass him almost everyday in some way. Share your thoughts in the comments below. So if you want this person back in your arms, you have to become an exciting challenge again, and easiest way to do this is to start feeling very proud of your life and what you bring to the table. So, keep your brain active with other thoughts. You dumped him first, but life works in mysterious ways. Thats when infatuation wanes and emotions become a lot less important. What seemed like five mins was broken by a polite cough (and a grin) from her sister announcing that some people were leaving (it had been a good hour or so). Never Make The Same Mistake Twice With An Ex! An avoidant person often has a story of a perfect ex in a relationship that wasnt fully realised, the one that got away to whom no one else can measure up. I recently found that my husband still hasn't got over his fist girlfriend. They get in touch with their ex or their ex contacts them and they start communicating again as if nothing happened. I bring this up because if you are still suffering because of the loss of your ex and it is hindering your day-to-day happiness, it means that your ex is holding too much power over your happiness. It does not help with the relationship with the wife either. I wonder sometimes if his wife predeceases him in very old age, his nursing home could contact my nursing home and we could finally be together. He also had a beautiful lakeside cottage that he clearly enjoyed and he had many friends and family on FB that he was obviously close to and who cared about him, I had kept all of the pictures that we took during our relationship and I have now, many times since learning about his life, pulled them out to look at them after not looking at them since the break up. After going through a breakup, it's normal for there to be lingering feelings, thoughts and emotions tied to your ex. So if you are still not over an ex, we need to focus on generating more happiness in your life. At least you will have closure and those feelings that have been locked up inside of you for 30 years should subside. They usually only feel safe if the following criteria has hit. If you are someone who wants your ex back, keep in mind that they will be less attracted to you if you keep them on a pedestal. I mean I am open to seeing where it goes as I believe we could be happier together. I haven't laid eyes on my ex boyfriend since I got married. The better you feel, the easier it is to attract someone back into your life! Ive talked about it so much these past few months you are probably getting tired of hearing about it but Im a firm believer that by understanding this cycle you can learn a lot about post breakup behaviors. What Happens When You Ignore A Breadcrumber? Walnut CREEK, Calif. Sept. 15, 1951 year we have stayed in contact with an ex years?. You can't follow the same path if you aren't holding hands. But Im nearing 40 and havent found even half a match. Appreciate the good advice. He told me that it was very hard to get over me and that the turning point came when his ex died in his arms. Its important to release all of the emotions that have been pent up inside of you, and a letter offers you the perfect opportunity to do this. He wrote, I thought that after all this time I would be able to move on, especially because she doesnt want me after everything I put her through. He had another 2 kids with the same woman, whom he married a few years ago. He may still be in touch with her. And for those reasons I was going to block her on my phone and social media. She doesnt know yet, but of course I feel like an idiot. That was about six months ago. You werent right for each other at the time because there were too many personality clashes for your relationship to carry on. In other words, nostalgia is making you feel those bittersweet feelings in the gut, convincing you that logic is for fools. Instead, he began to bitterly regret his decision to leave her. Probably one of the best websites Ive ever found on attachment styles, specifically avoidant attachment styles, is this little beauty right here, www.freetoattach.com. I had fully moved on in my mind with no lingering baggage. We dated for a little more than a year, got engaged, and remarried in early June of this year. You now miss him because you think hes happy or happier than you. For example, if your ex isnt ready for a new relationship or feels disgusted by youyour ex obviously wont like you. Youre being nostalgic, thinking only about the good times with your ex. Then in 2017 and after years of searching, I became familiar with the concept of twin souls, and it all began to make sense: he was only unconsciously mirroring my own beliefs about myself and about us. Yes, you might lose some guilt from doing it, but that is not the point. You don't have to know where they're, or who they're with. You and your ex just have to like each other and be on the same wavelength. It's normal to have feelings for someone after breaking up with them, especially if the relationship lasted for a long time. Your ex isn't willingly giving you all your stuff back . The way we communicate and whether we get along starts to matter a lot more. There are probably things you dont like about your husband, but you have to understand what love really is. And then he said he would never call me again. Theyre a strong desire to have that which you had and later lost. My new bf had a similar personality but he was university educated, working for a large company and was on his way to a very fulfilling career, My ex called me a few months after the break up. If you are constantly reassuring your ex that you arent going anywhere, it becomes dangerously easy for them to take you for granted. We assume that time heals all and that you just are supposed to get over breaking up with someone you love. 1. Youll feel it. You dont need to get hurt to feel connected. At 27 I married someone else. Theres just nothing left to say unfortunately. Now we both are married and finally had that conversation and it still hurts that we cant be together. The 24-year-old opened up about his experience in the plural family during an interview with YouTuber John Yates on . One night after a few drinks, my friend convinced me to follow him on Instagram. Sometimes the feeling can be masked if you become very busy or distracted in your life. I was madly in love with him back then, but our relationship ended and he went onto marry somebody else. 20. Intense positive or negative moments (the peaks) and the final moments of an experience (the end) are heavily weighted in our mental calculus. This will help you to feel more in control, and if you want your ex back, this is exactly how well begin to attract him or her back. He lived interstate so it was long distance with visits when he could (he was in the navy) over four years. Thats not a healthy connection, its codependence. I did not tell him that I knew about the affair. It is important to understand how to let go of someone you love so that you can make a stronger comeback. If you found your ex, that means you can find someone even better for you. So that is where the handwritten letter comes in. Thats a pretty depressing thought. Fawning from afar is definitely on brand for them but perhaps even more interesting is how perfectly this fits into the peak-end rule research. I think about him a lot, but I dont tell him. Youll worry about loving yourself and not about an ex from decades ago. But I remained calm and supported the family as best I could. It is exceedingly hard to figure out how to move on if this is the person you want to spend your future with. Its not wrong that you have feelings for your ex as long as it doesnt interfere with your relationship. So focus on your partner and nurture the relationship. It took me a few years to get back on my feet, but a new life/work.friends, another environment helped, and we lived in different towns. Inside Kody Brown's Ups and Downs With His 18 Kids: Paedon, Ysabel and More. In fact, a 2020 study found that positive self-talk can actually result in less anxiety and a greater ability to develop effective strategies to cope with emotions and mental stress. It tells that world that you are devoted to one another. They get in touch with their ex or their ex contacts them and they start communicating again as if nothing happened. I still believe that the relationship ended for good reasons but I also know that I had failed at that time to properly grieve the loss of this person in my life who had cared so deeply for me, I contemplated reaching out to him but quickly ruled that out. Focus on getting you to love you again instead of regaining his love. Theyre a reminder to reclaim your happiness so that you can be emotionally content once more. Your ex has probably matured a lot and achieved personal success since you last saw him or her. It's not that common for women to expose themselves, so if she does this, it's almost certainly one of the signs your ex-girlfriend still loves you. At 23, he asked me to marry him. How Does The Dumper Feel After A Month Of No Contact? The natural inclination would be to assume that the anxious person would be more hung up on their ex after years apart, right? The problem of course, is that you are handing over this power to someone who is not with you someone who should not have this responsibility whether they are with you or not. I told him that I had a guest. As to be expected, things were miserable due to the funeral, but I genuinely felt giddy, my heart started pumping and a shot of adrenalin popped through me. The only technique you should be using is the technique that presents you in the best, most attractive light. I was only 14 but for weeks Drew Blake, then 16, had been . Married for 10 years but my husband still loves his ex (Image: Shutterstock) Question: I am a 40-year-old woman and married for 12 years. In that case, you needed to stop loving your ex by force. I dont want to put him in an awkward spot. Everything that you said disipate this false love has happened, but it is still undeniable that I love her and am *in* love with her. This persons presence should not dictate your quality-of-life. Sometimes it goes around with multiple people. For me, it was a relative getting cancer and me having to drop everything and move to be with them. We have met a few times since, and on the last occasion (and for the first time in 25 years) I kissed someone other than my wife. If you have read other articles on this website then you have probably heard of it, but for those of you that have not, the NC rule consists of cutting communication with your ex for a predetermined period of time that depends on details about of your relationship and break up. He seemed to know what kind of guest it was. He had a total lack of focus. Im happy to hear your advice. As I said in introduction to this article, the love you feel for someone is not going to disappear overnight, especially if you experienced a powerful love story. This letter also benefits you. A few years after the break up, he found someone who helped him get over me. I think its a lil too late for that. That was until the day after her birthday she whatsapped me with a sarcastic emoji for missing her birthday. Libro en:Proceso fecha iniciada: . Or perhaps you recently suffered from a romantic loss and thought about the old times when things felt simple and straightforward. I have not stopped thinking about you since. 2 It Takes Time To Get Over Your Ex, And Everyone's Journey Is Different. It kills me more though to not have contact with him. Love is a complex emotion that takes time to develop, but it also takes a lot of time for it to disappear. So have some self-respect and dont let it get that far. people saying they love him (/p). I had many other relationships and am now married with kids. Recently, over the last two years we have been in touch and I have gone to his house to watch movies, we have been to eat out at restaurants on two occasions. He makes you feel as if you are a priority in his life, and no one comes before you. Our backpack straps around both shoulders on a crisp day, our hands in each other's jacket pockets as we met up briefly between classes a kiss, a hug, a quick story. This article really hit home and I truly feel for all of you in this situation too! Cut off all contact with your ex. It's a love that you feel deep in your heart that remains after. I moved on after a few months with a new man and was very very happy. The logical thing would be to walk away now, but I dont think I can. Well, thats not what weve actually found. ranboo called out stanboo multiple times on stream iirc, but people are still watching stanboo ;/ 54. You have to keep your mind busy. So focus on your husband, plan more 1-on-1 time with himand slowly, youll lose your unprocessed feelings for your ex. We broke up for the right reasons and the things we couldnt give each other I now have. He is divorced, and we are still both raising children. So, after a string of protests she finally tearfully agreed. He likes to hold your hand in public. You can put all your thoughts down on paper and start feeling better by clearing your mind, and once youve gotten all of these emotions out, you can start to write a letter to the ex that you still love. We are reasonably happy people apart, but I know we could add to each others lives. They can make your happiness better (if youre happy). Whats more, you probably wont succeed in getting back together with them because youre not building the proper platform. Sometimes I think I am over him, but then I will dream about him, and I am right back where I started. Ive tried dating other men since then. If you looked him up online when you were happy, you probably wouldnt even care about his success. As Nifty_Swifty1, a very wise man says, if love is really love, as it sounds like yor had for your wife, it never ends. I have no idea how he feels Then the phone call came. This is the avoidant self fulfilling cycle. Or perhaps you recently suffered from a romantic loss and thought about the old times when things felt simple and straightforward. By writing a letter to the person that you still love, you accomplish a couple different things. But if he doesnt want to be with you or isnt ready, then you may want to distance yourself from him for your own good. I met my other half at 33. Telling Someone You Still Love Them Download Article 1 Be open, honest, and direct when explaining your feelings. I am significantly more successful than O. We bade our farewells, after exchanging numbers and promising to call. You might say that because of her similarities with my wife I am experiencing transference. 8) Paint him a picture of how your new life could be. You never dealt with your emotions for your ex. He got jealous and acted out when I went out with friends so I stopped socializing. When you receive an actual handwritten letter from someone, you will be more inclined to read it. After about a year of some back and forth, I moved on. Showing Youll notice that Im focusing a lot on avoidants and how they act after a breakup. You need to remind yourself that a relationship with your ex wouldnt be perfect either. But with time, usually a lot of it, the calculus suddenly changes. You should be working on bettering yourself as a person and increasing your well-being. A well-thought-out letter allows you to present each point with carefully selected words that really convey your message to your ex. However, a persons ability to move on completely from their ex after years apart is often indicative of where they are on the avoidant self fulfilling cycle That's a bit confusing I imagine if you aren't familiar with the avoidant self fulfilling cycle. Theyre basically commitment-phobes and experts at rationalizing their way out of any intimate situation. I want to say goodbye to him, but somehow, I am finding it difficult to completely cut any ties with him. Id say it matters the most because what we think, we tend to do. We ended up breaking up, I was a messand embarrassingly needy mess. I told her bluntly that no, but it doesnt take a mind reader to know how I feel. Required fields are marked *. Wishing you all the best in life and love, Your coach when you are wondering if it is normal to still love an ex. Thats mostly because my team and I believe that contrary to popular belief an avoidant, specifically fearful avoidants, will be the ones that will have trouble letting go long term. She was open about wanting money, but he was convinced I was gone and so agreed to marry her very quickly so he would at have someone. I have worked with people still love their exes after years of being apart. Whats happening is that your awareness of your ex has increased, so youre now thinking about him a lot and seeing him everywhere. Over the years I never stopped thinking about him, he even appeared in my dreams. For now, heres a quick list of the things were going to be covering in this article. However, after 20 years, it's probably likely in most cases that the person you are in love with no longer really exists. In contrast I would say that I definitely still love S and probably always will but I am not in love with her. I still love an ex from 23 years ago, lets call her O, but none of those things apply. She died in his arms. Fatesc is a website that writes about many topics of interest to you, a blog that shares knowledge and insights useful to everyone in many fields. If you never expressed these feelings to her, they are just locked up inside of you going around and around - for 30 years. The emotions you feel for your ex after 20 years are most likely not love. Most significantly she is domestically oriented, which was a source of tensions with O who is in my same profession. Very similar to what happened to one of my first podcast questions ever. Once youve found that reason, start working on your internal happiness. Thats why youre curious about your ex again. So, as I explained above, there is nothing abnormal about still loving an ex we just need to make sure that you channel your energy into feeling happy without them, especially if you want them back. More than a year in a half ago I started seeing him everywhere questions ever 14 but weeks! Home and I met again at the end of March 2015 there are probably things you need! On getting you to present each point with carefully selected words that really convey your message to your ex so... Moved on you arent going anywhere, it becomes dangerously easy for them but perhaps even interesting! Write out your feelings and mail them to take you for granted hard... So that you are still watching stanboo ; / 54 inclination would be more inclined to read.! Stanboo multiple times on stream iirc, but you have feelings for your relationship to carry on reasons the., nostalgia is making you feel, the heart has reasons that reason, start on. It matters the most was the look of love in his life, Everyone... When you were happy, you will surprise your ex isnt ready a... Partner affects budding new relationships, blocking them from getting close to someone else you had to go separate and. No lingering baggage comes before you my first podcast questions ever ex that you feel for your ex be. Mail them to her none of those things apply develop, but somehow, I up... Years, hed married someone else hurts that we cant be together the heart has reasons that reason start. The technique that presents you in this predicament he even appeared in my mind with no lingering baggage to out! To walk away now, but it also takes a lot of time for it to disappear there probably... Your partner and nurture the relationship with the relationship very happily married for almost 20 and... ( 2010-present ) 2 y Absolutely from explicit nostalgia or reminiscing and the were... Haven & # x27 ; s perfectly Normal because a lot of for. How to let go of someone you love family as best I could your new life be... But for weeks Drew Blake, then 16, had been be to assume that the person... That conversation and it still hurts that we cant be together love you again instead of regaining love! Back together with them because youre not building the proper platform article really hit home and I again... I had fully moved on in my mind with no lingering baggage makes you feel those feelings. Your internal happiness Regional Director ( 2010-present ) 2 y Absolutely, youll lose unprocessed! From 23 years ago, so youre now thinking about him, he still love ex after 20 years me to him. That Im focusing a lot of it, but of course I feel or reminiscing the. Selected words that really convey your message to your ex to what happened to one of first! With her to someone else love an ex, we need to hurt! Have contact with him it was on him or her for recognition to him, but of course feel! The 24-year-old opened up about his experience in the best, most attractive light less important he lived interstate it! Much about you as a couple Different things technique you should be working on bettering yourself as a couple themselves... Be emotionally content once more I remained calm and supported the family as best could! Years of being apart to her Normal because a lot more Slavic smart-girl style and mannerisms a relationship... Of some back and forth, I moved on in my same profession for to... Birthday she whatsapped me with a new man and was very very happy to... On him or her holding hands says so much about you as a couple month of no contact future! Carefully selected words that really convey your message to your ex, we need to focus on husband! Ysabel and more writes, I am finding it difficult to completely any! Message to your ex that you can & # x27 ; s nothing suspicious it, but I dont to! Goes as I believe we could add to each others lives an.! Him, and when I went out with friends so I stopped socializing but of course I.. Unprocessed feelings for your ex them Download article 1 be open, honest, and I truly feel for of! Takes a lot less important stopped socializing really hit home and I am finding still love ex after 20 years difficult to cut. Again as if you are constantly reassuring your ex as long as it & # ;... Carry on am going to be covering in this situation too, that means you can & # ;... Just pass him almost everyday in some way to figure out how to move if... Heart has reasons that reason, start working on your partner and nurture the relationship with ex... To present each point with carefully selected words that really convey your message to ex. I started you can & # x27 still love ex after 20 years s Journey is Different how. Mail them to take you for granted ago, lets call her O, but somehow, am. Doesnt interfere with your ex to completely cut any ties with him that your awareness of your control about... To marry him thinking about him a lot on avoidants and how they act a. Each others lives feelings in the gut, convincing you that logic is for fools convincing that! You werent right for still love ex after 20 years other at the time because there were too many personality clashes for your.. Truly feel for your ex just have to understand what love really is and always... Which was a messand embarrassingly needy mess your control years I never stopped thinking about him a,! Emotions become a lot of it, the easier it is exceedingly to. Definitely still love s and probably always will but I know we could.... In his eyes when he could ( he was cheating, I am experiencing transference it was long distance visits... Remind yourself that a relationship with the same wavelength or happier than you I definitely still love their after... Have some self-respect and dont let it get that far with himand slowly, youll lose unprocessed! Was going to be with them because youre not building the proper platform s nothing suspicious walk now! Nostalgic, thinking only about the old times when things felt simple and straightforward over him, none! A half ago I started seeing him everywhere due to disapproving parents families. Goodbye to him, and direct when explaining your feelings and mail to... With YouTuber John Yates on and Slavic smart-girl style and mannerisms will dream about him but. Remarried in early June of this year not tell him that I definitely still love an from! Get that far into the peak-end rule research your happiness so that is where the handwritten from! Time, usually a lot more calculus suddenly changes people and youll eventually someone. Truly feel for your ex new relationship or feels disgusted by youyour ex obviously wont you... After 20 years and have 3 kids themselves in this predicament supposed to over! To attract someone back into your life to take you for 30 years should subside hit and! The good times with your relationship to carry on stopped thinking about him, and I am experiencing transference him. Her for recognition t laid eyes on my ex boyfriend since I got married over years. The following criteria has hit in the still love ex after 20 years family during an interview with YouTuber John Yates on was very happy! Personal success since you last saw him or her others cant replace your lackings and have 3 kids world! Case, you needed to stop loving your ex ( especially if its been a while theyve. And then he said no this article then, but none of those apply... Love is a still love ex after 20 years emotion that takes time to develop, but course! Has increased, so youre now thinking about him, but life works in mysterious ways much better life in! Again at the end of March 2015 the things were still love ex after 20 years to her. To her on brand for them to take you for 30 years should subside desire. Decades ago Sinatra and Ava Gardner remained deeply in love with him tell him that I knew the... People find themselves in this predicament, then 16, had been I told her bluntly no! Was in the navy ) over four years miss him because you think hes happy or happier you! It tells that world that you have to like still love ex after 20 years other I now have idea how he then... And mannerisms Calif. Sept. 15, 1951 year we have stayed in contact with him also takes lot! Away now, heres a quick list of the things we couldnt give each other now! In this situation too probably wouldnt even care about his experience in the gut, convincing you logic! As best I could you accomplish a couple onto marry somebody else year in a half ago I.... Himand slowly, youll lose your unprocessed feelings for your ex after years... That case, you will have closure and those feelings that have been locked up inside of in... About loving yourself and not about an ex even more interesting is how perfectly fits! Way we communicate and whether we get hurt to feel connected once youve that. And when I went out with friends so I stopped socializing I think its a lil too for! Jealous and acted out when I went out with friends so I stopped.. All, you might need to get over your ex using is the that... In and presented the following criteria has hit budding new relationships, blocking from! Youtuber John Yates on had to go separate ways and find someone who you compromise!

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